hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
and you fell through a lawn chair
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
