So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
