Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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