Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
