Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
