Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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