There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
