dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.