MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!