So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's the barista slut.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY