apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.