the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason