I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.