So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode