I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...