I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
high people should be assigned attendants
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
