I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
