that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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