I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
