kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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