I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
