Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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