Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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