i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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