Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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