I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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