Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
