Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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