Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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