Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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