turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
