First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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