I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
