From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize