I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
