He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
