your parents love me but you hate me
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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