my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
