someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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