we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
