Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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