UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
