I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's never too late to be topless.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
