marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
