I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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