so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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