She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she woke up with a sticky ear
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
