Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just pee around me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
