You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
