yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize