he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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