you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were destined to go to rehab together
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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