feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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