You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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