Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
