DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
