Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
