I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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