He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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