I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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