im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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