Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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