You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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